


Waiting For The Sun to Come Out

by jhem211



Series: Badass Looking For Same [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 11:05:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18548512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhem211/pseuds/jhem211
Summary: Lena can't sleep.





	Waiting For The Sun to Come Out

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented and hit that kudos button on the previous installment. Special shoutout to Im_still_waiting_for_the_rain_to_fall for their words of encouragement. 
> 
> I meant to post this before Clexacon, but the ending eluded me until today.

Lena didn’t sleep in her bed last night. 

No. Lena _couldn’t_ sleep in her bed last night. 

She’d sat on the edge, hands gripping the mattress, afraid to turn around and see it empty. 

Years ago, they’d made a vow. 

It was after Lena found out Kara was Supergirl and that the two most important people in her life were actively lying to her. She forgave Kara first. Not because Kara was her friend first, but because Alex’s lie cut deeper. Cut like who Lena thought they were to each other was the real lie, and Lena should have known better.

She found ways to keep her distance after that. Business in Tokyo. In Paris. In Singapore. She would have circled the globe a few more times if Alex hadn’t tracked her down. Hadn’t knocked on her hotel room door in Sydney at three in the morning, still in her tactical suit, with grime on her face and a bandage wrapped around her bicep. 

They made promises that night:

No more lies. 

Say what you mean. 

Say what you need. 

Always.

Because of it, they rarely argued. They had disagreements, of course. Some more heated than others, but practicing radical honesty eliminated careless words and painful misunderstandings. 

What Lena should have known that night when they sealed their friendship back together with a hug that was too tight and finally caught up on the sleep that had been eluding them both, is that Lena would be the one to break a promise first.

So Lena couldn’t sleep in her bed last night. 

Because Alex hadn’t come home.

And Alex hadn’t come home. 

Because Lena let her fears dictate her words. 

It had been a great night actually. James and Lucy were finally married after a long and winding road back to each other. The ceremony was small and simple and the reception was what Kara dubbed _wedding-fancy game night_.

She and Alex were on the balcony taking a break from the competitive mayhem inside. It wasn’t quite warm enough to be out there without a jacket, but Lena was scorched like the sun hadn’t set for days.

Alex was kissing her so softly and so tenderly Lena couldn’t catch her breath. Every time she did, Alex stole it again with a kiss against her jaw, the corner of her mouth, a lick against her upper lip, a softly pulling bite against her bottom one. If her back weren’t against the balcony, if Alex’s weight against her wasn’t sharing the burden, Lena’s legs would have given out. 

Her hands were in their favorite place, warm in the back pockets of Alex’s jeans. It was as perfect as a moment could get. Slowly Alex pulled away, just a little so that when she spoke, Lena felt the words on her own lips. “One of these days, I’m going to build up the courage to ask you to marry me.”

And because Lena’s brain, and her heart, and her mouth were all on different pages, she laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. Why would we ever do that?”

They were so close Lena saw the break in Alex’s eyes. 

“Alex, I—“ But Lena hadn’t known what to say, so her words hung between them unspoken. 

Alex left. “DEO stuff,” Lena heard as she made her way back in. Half the people in the room worked for the DEO, but their friends allowed the lie. 

Lena stayed a little longer. Just enough to be polite. Then she went home where she couldn’t sleep in her bed.

Now she’s laying on the couch, the sun barely breaking the sky, the night before a wasteland of words she wishes were said.

The elevator doors open. It can only be one person. Fear grips Lena by her throat, by her lungs, by her heart. It’s been too good to be true. All of it. She knows that. God, does she know that. It was bound to catch up to her eventually. 

Alex wears the same clothes as last night. She hasn’t slept; strands of exhaustion follow her into the kitchen. Silently, she puts the kettle on and Lena grabs her courage and takes a seat at the kitchen island. 

It’s ten minutes of silence before they’re sitting next to each other, steaming cups of Irish Breakfast in their hands. Alex takes hers black, Lena with a little milk and sugar. 

“I’m sorry,” Lena starts.

“For not wanting to get married, or not wanting to get married to me, specifically?” Alex asks.

Lena closes her eyes for a moment. Tell the truth. Say what you mean. Say what you need. Always. Lena repeats the words in her head using them as a bludgeon against the fear in her heart.

“The only experience I have of marriage is from my mothers,” Lena says, opening her eyes, but keeping them focused on her cup. “Lillian married to Lionel, forced to raise the child of his mistress. My biological mother, in love with a man who was never going to leave his wife.” She lifts her eyes and looks at Alex. “When I said, ‘don’t be ridiculous’ I meant that what we have is so good, but I’m in constant fear of messing it up.” Lena’s throat tightens, “I just need time. Please. To learn how to be a little better.”

“Lena,” Alex says on a shaky exhale. She stands and grasps Lena’s face between her hands. “You want to be better for me. I get that because I want to be better for you. But what if, from today forward, we accept as fact, that we’re enough? That there’s not some future more lovable version of ourselves that we have to chase?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been enough for anyone who’s loved me.”

“Before now.”

Lena places her hands over Alex’s and pulls them to her lips. She kisses her left ring finger. “Before now.”

“I’m sorry I walked away last night.”

“Where did you go?”

“To Maggie’s. She and Maria let me crash on their couch.”

“But you didn’t sleep.”

“Did you?”

“No.”

“So can we go to bed now?” 

Lena answers by linking their hands and pulling Alex into their bedroom. 

Lena is still in Alex’s oversized National City U sweatshirt, which she put on as soon as she got home last night. She pulls it off and throws it onto the bed before sliding onto the cold sheets.

She watches as Alex discards her shirt, her bra, her pants. It’s not meant to be sexy, it’s just Alex being Alex, which will always be the sexiest thing Lena has ever seen. Alex grabs the sweatshirt and pulls it on. She slides into bed and they wrap themselves around each other. 

Lena kisses the underside of Alex’s chin. Again, and again, and again. Until she’s made a trail down Alex’s neck. She licks her way back up to Alex’s lips. They kiss softly. Patiently. Lena slides her hand under the back of Alex’s sweatshirt and lightly scratches up and down her back. Alex shivers. She opens her mouth a little wider, an invitation to deepen the kiss. 

Lena moans softly in anticipation and pushes forward - then stops as Alex’s invitation transitions into a yawn. 

Alex chuckles, “Sorry.”

“Sleep now. Orgasms later.”

“You’re so good to me, Lena Luthor.”

Lena smiles. She’s spent the last few years of her life laser-focused on trying to be good enough for Alex Danvers. 

Alex snuggles impossibly closer and the weight of her feels perfect. “Love you,” Alex says and she’s asleep before Lena can say it back. 

Lena never envisioned a life for herself that included the typical marriage and children and picket fences. She still doesn’t. There’s a great deal of work yet to be done, but perhaps one day there could be marriage and children and penthouses and a summer estate somewhere woodsy. 

She can see herself sitting outside on a summer day, Alex teaching their child the proper stance for a new fighting technique, then they’ll all have lunch, followed by family time in the lab where they’re on the brink of some new discovery. 

It sounds rather perfect. 

Lena’s not ready, yet - she knows that.

But she will be.

**Author's Note:**

> More to come. Comments are love.
> 
> Also, I have almost 5k words written of a side story exploring Maggie/Maria. Maria being Maria Hill because rare pairs give me life.


End file.
